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Shit Happens List

5 July |

Microcomputing: If shit happens, we will fix it in the next version.

    Taoism: Shit happens.
    Confusianism: Confusius say: “Shit happens”.
    Buddhism: If shit happens, it is not really shit.
    Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
    Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
    Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
    Protestantism: Let the shit happen to someone else.
    Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
    Judism: Why does shit always happen to us?
    Mysticism: Just experience shit happening.
    Ascetism: If shit happens, renounce it.
    Agnosticism: Nobody knows why shit happens.
    Gnosticism: I know why shit happens but will not tell you.
    Atheism: Shit just happens and that is all there is to it.
    Cartesianism: Shit happens to me, therefore it exists.
    Platonism: There is ideal shit happening somewhere.
    Stoicism: I do not care if shit happens.
    Epicureanism: Let us party while shit does not happen.
    Volunteering: If shit happens or not – we do voluntary work
    Cynicism: Of course shit happens.
    Sufism: The wise man never notices shit happening
    Occultism: Shit materializes from other planets of existence.
    Terrorism: Shit will happen unless you do as I say.
    Puritanism: Shit can happen all day as long as you do not call it that.
    Behaviourism: You are conditioned to having shit happen.
    Freudianism: If shit happens, it is your mother’s fault.
    Parapsychology: Shit happens without material causes.
    Surrealism: Purple shit happens near melting clocks.
    Cubism: If shit happens, you will not recognize it.
    Optimism: If shit happens, we will find a way to use it.
    Pessimism: If shit happens, there will not be enough for everybody.
    Tabloid sensationalism: Green shit from mars happens to Elvis clone.
    Biblical creationism: Shit happens because God created it.
    Scientific reductionism: Shit happens because it evolved from primitive shit.
    Scientific obscurantism: Amorphous excrement does occur in given cases.
    Bureaucracy: I do not care if shit happens as long as you fill out the forms.
    Feminism: Women demand to have shit happen.
    Ecology: If organic shit happens, it is ok.
    Capitalism: Let us profit from shit happening.
    Socialism: If shit happens, let us distribute it equally.
    Patriotism: Our shit is better than your shit.
    Conservatism: They do not make even shit happen like they used to.
    Liberalism: Shit should not happen tomorrow.
    Classical physics: Shit does not “happen”, it just moves around.
    Quantum physics 1: Shit happens but you can not say both where and when.
    Quantum physics 2: Shit happens in discrete quanta called shitons.
    Holistic physics: If shit happens, it happens everywhere at once.
    Microcomputing: If shit happens, we will fix it in the next version.
    Applied mathematics: The probability of shit happening approaches unity.
    Engineering: When shit happens, paint over.
    Medicine: If shit happens, take two aspirin and call me in the morning.
    Economics: Shit happens because there is a great demand for it.
    Politics: If shit happens, make a deal with it.
    Diplomacy: Let us pretend shit does not happen.
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